elana
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by elana on Mar 5, 2007 13:47:32 GMT -5
I have figured out why I put up with all the bad people in my life(Read BAD men). I would find someone and they would treat me badly and I would tolerate it because I really thought this was the last guy who would EVER be attracted to me. I have (and still have) very little experience with men, dating and socializing. I was not a popular kid in the formative years (High school and college) and I did not fit in well. Boys asked me out.. and a lot of my education on relationships just never occurred. So.... when I finally found someone, no matter how toxic, I would stay and let them poison me. Since this last guy and my new found information which has created an appalling amount of anger and bitterness and desire for revenge (not exactly recovery things I know), I am also thinking I will forever be afraid to do a relationship of any kind again. I truly do not know how to relate to people, or have a relationship with a person and am not sure I will ever have the opportunity to learn.
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Midas
Junior Member
Angel In Disguise...
Posts: 53
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Post by Midas on Mar 5, 2007 13:50:57 GMT -5
I can relate. No, really. It seems like all of my relationships end up the same...in the trash.
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elana
New Member
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Post by elana on Mar 5, 2007 14:13:11 GMT -5
In my case, I ended up in the trash.. but I deserve better than a lying, cheating, using.... Oh I don't have words for this useuless bag of dog dung!
but heck.. I am so entirely immature when it comes to relationships, I really cannot imagine it happening anymore.
I also want to say this.. this relationship took up so much of my life.. my TIME.. that letting it go is hard becaue i have nothing to replace it with. If I had a horse or my farm still, I probably would not miss it at all... I would be too busy. Right now it is between times tho. I have bills to pay off that were his and I can't do much until that is done.
I probably ought to get a second job to fill the space. I am tired of working all the time, but I think that is what I will have to do. I am just so TIRED.
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teke
New Member
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Post by teke on Mar 5, 2007 14:19:45 GMT -5
your situation sounds a lot like mine only i think that a lot of what i feel might be a physocological thing. i'm getting better at liking and excepting myself but because of my age, i think that if i wanted a new relationship, i'd be sort of afraid to trust my own better judgement. i have a lot of emotional scars that i need to work through. today, my rah is still around but if i had to do this all over, i think that i'd rather stay single, don't want to deal with the responsibility of a new relationship, don't really know how to feel or react to the present one either. this is one of the issues that i too am struggling with, i'll be checking back to see what responses that you get. thanks for posting this
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Midas
Junior Member
Angel In Disguise...
Posts: 53
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Post by Midas on Mar 5, 2007 14:23:43 GMT -5
After devoting so much time, it seems like it's a real investment. But you have to look at the cost/benefit of continuing a damaging relationship.
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teke
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by teke on Mar 5, 2007 14:33:41 GMT -5
elana all my adult life, i went from one bad relationship to the next, my rah has been seperated a lot over the yrs, 21yrs of my life, i'm now 53. this time, i thought during those yrs of seperation, i wanted to heal from the all the past relationships, so as not to carry old baggage into the next. i stayed alone for a lot of my married yrs, trying to do that. somewhere in all of this, i learned to enjoy living alone. i understand how you feel about not having anything to replace the last bad relationship with, i replaced a few bad ones with bad ones, so i was afraid to try another replacement at my age, becayse it didn't work before.
YES it was very hard to live the beginning yrs without a relationship, but slowly i did learn how to live alone and be happy and content. i think that it just takes time, and commitment to working on self. during this time i found out that i was more likable than i thought i was. hope you feel better soon. keeping you in my prayers
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elana
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by elana on Mar 5, 2007 14:41:36 GMT -5
Oh I don't want a relationship NOW. I am just doing a self exam of my mind, motives and all that stuff and recognizing my own lack of ability.
Funny.. I can take a 2,000 pound Oxen or a 1500 pound horse and get them to do what ever I would like and get along fine with them. Give me a 180 pound man and it is like I am learning how to add or subtract all over again. It feels like grade school.
No. I don't WANT another guy at all right now. I am just thinking taht starting so late with so little to work with I may never have the OPTION and THAT bothers me. I always like to have options.. but no.. right now I believe that every man has a hidden set of horns, cloven hooves, and a forked tongue.... LOL
Certainly "Old Cloven Hoof" was the one operating this last dog pile and that might not be descriptive enough!
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teke
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by teke on Mar 5, 2007 15:23:32 GMT -5
first you are trying to sound like your about 99 yrs old, you've got time if you decide one day that you want another relationship besides, sometimes you find yourself in one before you realize that direction you traveling. i believe that there is that perfect match that god planned for each of us, but he allow us the freedom of choice and i don't know if i have met that match yet. i tend to belive that maybe you haven't either, by the sound of things. don't give up, there is always hope. maybe we both just have to work on our picker.LOL
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elana
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by elana on Mar 5, 2007 17:47:49 GMT -5
Yes, Teke, I agree the "picker" is the problem!
That comment made me smile.. I think I need to let the guy choose me and then I make the decision of whether or not to go there. I just don't think I will go there even if it is looking good.
My picker NEVER worked right and my truster is really broken.
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teke
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by teke on Mar 6, 2007 15:38:23 GMT -5
i think thats what we are here for, trying to get the picker in better working condition. i think that as long as you continue to work on it, when the right guy comes along, you won't have a choice but to go with the flow and see what the end will be. at least now, you know what you don't want even though you may not know what you do want. do you think?
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